Letters to my girl

Letters build words build expressions…of grief, of love, of unending need. Words pour forth from where I would spill my own blood to bring my child back; expressions that frighten me rise up in my chest. I feel so lost and I cannot breathe. Alone. In Despair. There cannot be any greater pain than that of a Mother’s Grief. My child heard my own heart beat before I heard hers! We shared breath and blood. How can she be gone? THAT Alone-ness cannot be conveyed or relayed; I cannot give structure to THAT Alone-ness – THE PAIN. My God The Pain. Aching then sharp & focused – My Heart! Far worse than the pain of her birth has been pain of her death and I expect no blunting or cushion from the passage of time. Do Not tell me that in that moment, THAT Moment, I FULLY REALIZE MY DAUGHTER IS DEAD, That pain will EVER be softened because No, no it can not…will not. 07/09/2020