Cover my eyes and count to ten
The reality is the same.
No matter how I spin this aftermath.
My child is gone
The Disconnect remains
My head and my heart refuse to speak
And painful longing fills the void.
As I sit
Questioning my own reality
Did she even exist?
How can she be gone?
I feel judged that I have not accepted this loss
And “moved on”/”forward” – whatever euphemism for “healing”
My brain knows she’s gone
My heart just – so – too much.
Just too much to bear.
And I want no one to experience their child’s death –
It is truly undefinable.