Recover
Uncover
Discover
Cover my eyes and count to ten
The reality is the same.
No matter how I spin this aftermath.
My child is gone
The Disconnect remains
My head and my heart refuse to speak
And painful longing fills the void.
As I sit
Questioning my own reality
Did she even exist?
How can she be gone?
Why?
I feel judged that I have not accepted this loss
And “moved on”/”forward” – whatever euphemism for “healing”
My brain knows she’s gone
My heart just – so – too much.
Just too much to bear.
And I want no one to experience their child’s death –
It is truly undefinable.
04/08/2021
Letters To My Girl 
Not judgeable. Not reversible. Not blameable. Words… but memory keeps you running along the river of Truth and Understanding… really, no one knows why. It’s Even irrelevant. This is all for the living. When we go, it all goes.
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